October Baby to January May be..

Tonight I had some friends over and we watched October Baby. It was a wonderful movie about a girl who finds out that she was adopted. And that her birth mother attempted to have an abortion but the abortion failed.She learned that she had a twin brother but that he had died three months after birth. The movie was about "Hannah" figuring out who she is while falling in love and making mistakes. It was so good. I give it four stars! .........I also found out that my cousin,Shelbi, is having twins!! I am beyond excited and can not wait to see what is in store for her. Meanwhile I feel so confused about my feelings. I can't seem to get over someone who hurt me. I find myself not being in love until I see him. I hate and love to see him. When I see him I find myself just wishing he would grab me, pull me into his arms and tell me everything will be ok. I shouldn't still care about him. I want to hate him so much. I do hate that he used me and chose not to be with me but with someone else. I shouldn't want to be with someone like that. But I can't help it. I can't help that when I see him my face turns bright red, and I feel like it's just me and him there. Like we are the only one's in the room although there may be one hundred. I miss him being my friend, holding my hand, and threatening to beat up the bad guys. I miss that guy who said he would steal a monkey, elephant, and sloth. All because I wanted them. I miss him. q